Emotional Maturity in Risk
The destruction of evil and the eradication of malice are not easy tasks.
-Abraham Heschel, Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity, Kindle 1593
Identifying Emotionally Mature People in Risk
1. They Work with Reality Rather Than Fighting It.
They are not detached from the reality of risk, they do not minimize or brush it off or brush off other people's choices in risk. They do not overreact or give a disproportional response to aspects of risk assessment or mitigation.
2. They Can Feel and Think at the Same Time.
In risk, they are empathetic or willing to take the time to express empathy towards others. They have an ability to think even when under stress. They can see other perspectives in risk, not just their own situation.
3. Their Consistency Makes Them Reliable.
Emotionally mature people have an integrated sense of self. This means that in risk, when they make behavioral changes, they can easily explain based on careful self-reflection. Their inner consistency and their ability to explain themselves will engender trust.
4. They Don't Take Everything Personally.
They can laugh at themselves, and are not offended easily. They accept others as fallible and also under undue stress when in a cross-cultural risk situation. "Taking things too personally can be a sign of either narcissism or low self-esteem."
Both tendencies are hugely problematic in risk because risk decisions often have to be made quickly and often when there is disagreement over the best course of action. Lives are at stake and clear communication is supremely important and often an urgent necessity. Narcissists or people who are deeply insecure and unable to admit it have difficulty communicating well under duress and will resort to dysfunctional communication patterns - fight, flight, or passive-aggressiveness.
5. They are Respectful and Reciprocal.
They treat others with respect and fairness and have a general cooperative orientation. They appear concerned for others in risk, and not just their own interests or stressors. They are still able to give out to others in a position of servanthood.
6. They Respect Your Boundaries.
They are aware of their impact on other people in the risk situation. They will ask open questions and not presume or assume. They do not take the kindness of others for granted especially in risk when physical energy is in shorter supply. They are considerate of connection, but not intrusive. They are empathetic to how others are feeling, especially in risk. They do not tell others what they should think or feel, but accept others for what they do think and fell. They do not communicate judgment of others choices to leave or stay in risk. "An Emotionally mature person may tell you how they feel about what you did, but they don't pretend to know you better than you know yourself."
7. They Give Back.
"Fairness and reciprocity are at the heart of good relationships." They are willing to give and also willing to be gracious receivers, especially in risk. In risk, all working together will glorify God and demonstrate true community through their giving and receiving of help.
8. They are Flexible and Compromise Well.
In the changing chaos of risk, this is one of their most valuable traits. They are able to quickly sift through the priorities of what they are willing to stand firm on and what they are willing to give on. They learn to let go of ideals or thoughts previously held dear, and attach to the direction of the leader in risk, even when they disagree. When they don't do well in demonstrating these traits, they are willing to quickly apologize and mend relationships. Because they prefer to be collaborative and not "win at all costs" they build trust in how they rebuild relational trust after failure.
9. They're Even-Tempered.
This is their normal approach to life. When their temper flares, they are able to diagnose the cause, make amends, and move on. They are willing to take a break from the risk situation when they recognize it's needed without feeling like a failure. They do not withdraw from relationships but "lean in" when there are relational challenges, especially in risk. They do not pout, but they do take time to calm down.
10. They are Willing to Be Influenced.
In risk, they accept other ideas and are willing to change their mind. They are able to say "I don't know" without feeling weak or like a failure. They will work at understanding another point of view and accept when their ideas are not accepted.
11. They're Truthful.
They will freely admit the truth to leadership about the true state of what is happening in risk. They will not withhold information or wield it as power or as a weapon. Speaking the truth demonstrates trust as well as integrity, and respect for the other's experience. They are careful with information, however, and will discern who are the right people to share information with.
12. They Apologize and Make Amends.
An apology is one in which a person is able to express sorrow, describe one's actions or words, empathize with how the other person must have felt, and asks for forgiveness. This means they take responsibility for themselves and do not deflect or blame.
A full apology looks something like this:
"I'm so sorry for lashing out against you in anger. My words were hurtful , wrong, and insensitive. I imagine you must have felt afraid and mistrustful of me. Please, would you forgive me?"
13. Their Empathy Makes you Feel Safe.
"Empathy is what makes people feel safe in relationships. Along with Self-awareness, it's the soul of emotional intelligence." Nonempathic people overlook your feelings and don't seem to imagine your experience or be sensitive to it. A person who cannot respond to your feelings won't be a safe person when there is disagreement, which there will be in risk. These kinds of people should not be part of leadership in risk, such as a Risk or Crisis Management Team (RMT/CMT) because they cannot handle disagreement and are lacking empathic skills towards others.
14. They Make You Feel Seen and Understood.
We all experience risk differently in our inner world. Emotionally mature people will listen and will show interest in your interpretation without you feeling judged, silly, lacking faith, or given to hysteria, no matter what you share. They are careful with their words when they reframe what you say. "Emotionally mature people see you positively, [even in risk when you may not feel your best], and keep a mental library of your best qualities." They will call those qualities out of you in risk. You will feel more resilient around emotionally healthy folks.
15. They Like to Comfort and Be Comforted.
They are not afraid of strong emotions and will not pull away. They can express their feelings about the stress they are experiencing in risk, using words or word pictures. They will acknowledge others attempts at comforting them.
16. They are Self-Reflective on Their Actions and Try to Change.
They try to continually do better in risk both in their outward actions but more importantly in their inner world. They are aware of what God is doing to make their heart more like His in the risk situation, and are able to share appropriately with others (transparent vulnerability).
17. They Can Laugh and Be Playful in risk.
They can point out the absurd and laugh. They can find the "dark humor" in the risk, but also laugh at other things happening in the world or their own mistakes. They know when to use lightheartedness to relieve stress in others. But they don't use humor at someone else's expense.
18. They're Enjoyable to Be Around.
Yes, even in stress, their finer qualities rise to the surface. They do not see everything as a crisis, even when it is one crisis after another. They can "roll with the punches" and still remain who they are. They do not lose their sense of self and who God is even when the world seems to be in chaos all around them. They've already faced the worse thing about the potential reality should risks turn into crisis, so they can still be enjoyable to be around and point others towards what God is doing in that unique situation.
*All quotes from Lindsay Gibson and her content is paraphrased above and adapted to the cross-cultural risk situation.
See also:
Emotionally Immature People in Risk
How to Respond to Emotionally Immature People in Risk
