Fear Management Teens
(13-18)
“Our well-being, maybe even our survival, may depend on us paying attention to what our fear is trying to tell us.”
Resources:
Activity: PDF of below
Fear Management For Teens (ages 13-17)
Introduction
When beginning a discussion on fear with teenagers, it can also help to address areas where they feel uncomfortable. This helps to build the understanding that many emotions are connected and lead into what causes us to be afraid. Feeling uncomfortable is often a baseline for a situation leading to fear. This helps to not isolate fear as separate and will be helpful as the teens begin to healthily link their emotions together throughout the lesson.
Activity 1: Share the picture with the students.
Find it also at: Pinterest: https://pin.it/6pquuBmoG
Facilitator: Draw yourself in the picture as a stick-figure where you would be uncomfortable.
Follow-up Questions:
Why did you draw yourself there?
What about that place makes you uncomfortable? Is it a person (example: by the clown because I find clowns creepy), situation (example: by the police officer and punk-guy because it looks like there is a dispute), or by a item (example: on the manhole because it is partially uncovered and unstable).
What about this uncomfortable situation leads into uncertainty? (Example: the clown is masked and I am uncertain of his identity; the police dispute could escalate and I am uncertain if it will become physical; it is uncertain if the manhole cover will teeter and I could fall).
Facilitator: situations that make us uncomfortable are often connected to the uncertainty in that situation. It is when we project that uncertainty to “the worst possible outcome” that it becomes a fear. Often, we have experienced something before in our lives that leads this uncomfortable situation to become a fear (example: if being near a physical fight injured you as a bystander, the confrontation between the police officer and punk person makes sense that it is a concerning, uncomfortable situation.)
Possible Follow-up Questions to ask about the picture:
Are there any other places in this picture where you would draw yourself feeling uncomfortable?
In which spot in this this picture would you draw yourself feeling comfortable? What feels comfortable in that situation? Why do you feel “safe” there? (example: with the teacher and children because I like helping with children; sitting on the metro because I will be at my destination soon; on the empty bench at the fountain because I like to listen to the water and sit at the park.
Begin Discussion on Fear
Facilitator: God has created us with fear (we all feel fear sometimes), so we know that sometimes fear is good! It keeps us from doing something dangerous that could hurt us, as you have seen in placing yourself in this picture. Fear is telling you “be cautious! This situation is uncertain.” Fear helps you to be safe.
Questions:
Was Jesus ever afraid?
A: Yes! Jesus showed fear in the garden before his crucifixion.
Was it wrong of Jesus to be afraid?
A: No. Jesus is fully God and did not sin or do anything “wrong.” He is also fully human and fear is a natural emotion all humans feel and were created with. Feeling fear isn’t bad, but we can’t let fear sit inside of us. Sometimes we hear people saying “Christian catchphrases” as encouragement like “have faith over fear” or “don’t be afraid, just trust God.” While these phrases are intended to be helpful, they are conflicting for the person in the uncertainty. Remember, you are not doing something wrong (sinning) by having fear. You can have faith IN fear and you can trust God IN fear.
How do you feel physically when you are afraid?
A: Students may share they feel fear like flutters in their stomach (or ill to their stomach) or a pounding chest or like they freeze inside.
Facilitator: we need to get the fear from inside of us out into the hands of God And there are four steps to do that.
(There are two tools below, and the age levels are suggestions only. Use whichever tool seems most approachable for your teen.)
N.A.M.E. Tool for Younger Teens/Tweens
At the moment, we are still field testing this tool (possibly for younger teens/tweens (11-14), so if you use it with teens who are living in unstable or even dangerous environments, we are interested to hear how it goes. We will continue to update this page as we receive field tested techniques, especially for teens growing up where persecution of Christ-followers is a reality.
N.A.M.E. Tool for Older Teens : Steps to Fear Management
To begin this next section, have the students think think of what they are afraid of OR use the stick-figure picture. Depending on the teenager, it can be more effective to think of a fear they are currently dealing with (example: fear that their best friend is moving and they will be alone) or for some teenagers, the identified uncomfortable situation in the picture will help them as they can visualize that they themselves are NOT actively in that situation and can look at the uncertainty/fear from an outside perspective.
IMPORTANT NOTE:
Never project fears onto a teenager. Avoid giving examples of situations where the facilitator was afraid or fears of an adult as impressionable teens will then adhere to that fear and begin to model that as well. Remember, a student looks to the teacher for how they should react in a situation. Be careful to also not agree or belittle their fears - saying “oh, I love clowns! They are so funny” may hinder some teens from feeling comfortable to sharing their fears. Similarly, by saying “I am also terrified of clowns, and I always scream when I see them” affirms the fear. Keep the lesson focused on the student, while in some cases it is helpful to relate, keep statements general in regards to specific fears to not belittle or enhance fear.
Activity: Have the teen write the fear in the center of their page (example: clowns).
Step 1:
We first have to name our fear; name the thing that we are feeling inside of us. (NAME acronym.) You identified an uncomfortable situation in the picture earlier. You can name that or think of something else you are afraid of.
Step 2:
We have named our fear, and now we need to think about it or Acknowledge it (A in NAME). Think about your fear. Example: Why are you afraid of clowns? Because they look scary. Why do they look scary? Because they have a mask/painted face. Why does that frighten you? Because you can’t know who they really are or what they are really thinking by the expressions on their face. Why does that concern you? Because they could be hiding from someone to sneak up on them.
The deeper fear is evil intent by someone.
- Draw a ring around the named fear in the middle of the page and write the deeper fear.
Note: it is important in some cases depending on the student to mention at this point that we don’t want to overthink the fear and get stuck in thinking, rather this exercise helps us reach the root of the fear and continuing to the next two steps is necessary so not to get caught in spiral-thinking of the fear.
Step 3:
Now, imagine Jesus with you in this situation. (M - iMagine - NAME) Where is He?
Look again at the uncomfortable situation/concern from the picture, draw Jesus standing next to your stick figure.
Now, think about your fear and imagine where Jesus is.
Examples students may say: Fear of flying - He is next to me, holding my hand. Fear of the dark - He is glowing like a light in the room. Fear of being lost - He is walking in front of me. Fear of being alone - He is hugging me.
Note: let the students imagine Jesus on their own in their fear. Remind them that Jesus is always with us.
- Draw a third ring around the fear and write where Jesus is with you in that fear.
Step 4:
We have named our fear, thought about it, and imagined Jesus in it, so now we must Entrust (E - NAME) God with the fear. We give the fear over to God and let Him hold it now. The Bible says Jesus is interceding - that means He steps in for us before God, so we can entrust our fear into the hands of God.
In the uncomfortable picture situation, draw a bubble around you and Jesus. Imagine God holding you and Jesus safely in one hand and everything else around you in His other hand.
Note: some teens may need to visualize this handing over of their fear into God’s hand, by imagining their fear as a crumpled piece of paper or a dark cloud or the object of the fear itself (example: a spider or an airplane, etc.) and then thinking of this object disappearing from their hands into His.
- Draw a fourth circle around the fear and write “entrust”
Review and React
Review the NAME acronym and what each letter represents. Ask students to respond to this learning this processes and what they learned.
Possible Reflection Questions:
1. What were you unaware of before this activity that you find valuable?
2. Do you have a tendency to think “the worst possible outcome” in uncertain situations? How does imagining Jesus and entrusting this to God offer you peace in the uncertainty?
3. When is a time you envision using this NAME model in the future?
4. Are there any further questions you have regarding anything that was shared or something you were unable to relate to?
The fear itself in the center circle is quite small compared to the final circles. Like dropping a rock into water, the fear ripples are larger. The fear started your thinking, but God surrounds it all.
Summary
Everyone has fears and God has created people with fear. Fear can be good because it protects us, but we don’t want it to consume us or refrain us from experiencing the hope God desires for us. By using the NAME acronym, we can remember how to bring our fear feelings from inside of us to name it, to acknowledge it, to imagine Jesus with us in the fear, and out into surrendered hands as we hand the fear over to God.
What Not To Say:
“When you are mature, you won’t have fear.”
“You can get rid of anxiety and fear.”
“At the crossroads of faith and fear, choose faith.”
“Just trust Jesus.”
“You can learn to never fear again.”
The truth is, new anxieties and fears will always present themselves until we draw our last breath. In order to help teenagers cultivate habits leading to resiliency and even become antifragile, we have to stop trying to say soothing lies and help them learn real skills to manage their anxieties and fears, and learn how to act in courage.