Fear Management Children
“Teaching and modeling antifragile faith for our children is done to the extent that we have faced and processed our own fears as adults.”
Fear Management For Children
(ages 5-12)
Introduction
When beginning a discussion on fear with children, it can help to also address other emotions first to build the understanding that there are many emotions and fear is just a piece of many.
This helps to not isolate fear as separate and will be helpful as the children begin to coherently link their emotions together throughout the lesson.
Example Conversation:
Facilitator: We have many emotions inside of us. What are some of the emotions you feel?
Have the children share some emotions (using emotions from the movie “Inside Out” can help as a launchpad if the students are familiar with this movie). Continue the conversation by having the children share a time they felt joy, anger, or sadness.
Note: some children will be able to connect the emotions together at this point (example: “I was sad when we had to move, but then I was joyful because I met my best friend.”)
Facilitator: Does one emotion define you? Are you sad? Or joy? Or angry?
(Students will reply that they are not just one emotion.)
Facilitator: God has created us with many different emotions! And it is how we respond to these emotions that shapes who we are.
Begin Discussion on Fear
Facilitator: God has created us with fear (we all feel fear sometimes), so we know that sometimes fear is good! It keeps us from doing something dangerous that could hurt us. For example, if you are running on the sidewalk and the path starts to become uneven, fear tells you “be careful! You could trip and scrape your knee!” Fear helps you to be safe.
In some cases, it can cause adrenaline that helps in quick thinking responses to a situation. This is typically called “fight or flight”.
God has created even animals with fear to protect themselves. What happens if a zebra sees a lion? The zebra runs away. Some animals in fear will “play dead” to protect themselves also.
So, feeling fear isn’t bad, but we want to make sure we don’t let fear sit inside of us. How do you feel fear inside of you?
Students may share they feel fear like flutters in their stomach or a pounding chest or like they freeze inside.
Facilitator models with your hands the twisting of your stomach or pounding chest
Facilitator: We need to get the fear from inside of us out into the hands of God (model to hands held out in offering). And there are four steps to do that.
Steps to Fear Management
To begin this next section, have the students think of a time when they were afraid, or if they are able, think of what they are afraid of. Depending on the child, it can be easier to recall a past experience of a time they felt afraid than to think of an unknown fear.
For example, younger children often do not have fears of unknown experiences. If they have never flown in an airplane, they are generally not afraid of flying.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Never project fears onto a child. Avoid giving examples of situations where the facilitator was afraid or fears of an adult as children will then adhere to that fear and begin to model that as well.
This activity IS possible without having a specific fear as the steps can still be labeled, drawn, and modeled without specifics. It is completely okay if a child cannot come up with a fear (that in itself is a beautiful thing!).
Remember, a young child looks to the adult for how they should react in a situation. Be careful to also not agree or belittle their fears - saying “oh, I love spiders! They are so cool” may hinder some children from feeling comfortable to sharing their fears.
Similarly, by saying “I am also terrified of spiders, and I always scream when I see them” affirms the child’s fear.
Keep the lesson focused on the child, while in some cases it is helpful to relate, keep statements general in regards to specific fears to not belittle or enlarge fear.
Activity 1 & 2: Activities 1 & 2 are combined and include both drawing and hand movements (action).
Have the child draw (or write) a fear (past or present) on a piece of paper. For the child who cannot think of a time he/she was afraid or a current fear, draw a facial expression of a person who is afraid.
Step 1: (action: touch mouth)
Facilitator: We first have to name our fear; name the thing that we are feeling inside of us. (NAME acronym.) You just drew a picture of the fear, now name it. What are you afraid of?
- On a separate sheet of paper, write the name of this fear in the middle of the page and circle it.
Step 2: (action: tap your forehead)
Facilitator: We have named our fear, and now we need to think about it or Acknowledge it (A in NAME). Think about your fear. Example: Why are you afraid of spiders? Because they look scary. Why do they look scary? Because they have eight legs and many eyes. Why does that frighten you? Because they move quickly, and it surprises me when I see them.
The deeper fear is unexpected surprises.
- Draw a ring around the named fear in the middle of the page and write the deeper fear.
Note: it is important in some cases depending on the child to mention at this point that we don’t want to overthink the fear and get stuck in thinking, rather this exercise helps us reach the root of the fear and continuing to the next two steps is necessary so not to get caught in spiral-thinking of the fear.
Step 3: (action: touch your temples on the side of your head and close your eyes)
Facilitator: Now imagine Jesus with you in this situation. (M - iMagine - NAME) Where is He? Think about your past/present fear and imagine Jesus in that fear.
Examples students may say: Fear of flying - He is next to me, holding my hand. Fear of the dark - He is glowing like a nightlight in my room. Fear of being lost - He is walking in front of me. Fear of being alone - He is hugging me.
Note: let the children imagine Jesus on their own in their fear. Remind them that Jesus is always with us and for the child who did not come up with a specific fear, “with me” is a great response to imagining where Jesus is in fear.
- Draw a third ring around the fear and write where Jesus is with you in that fear.
Step 4: (action: place hands out in offering to God)
Facilitator: We have named our fear, thought about it, and imagined Jesus in it, so now we must Entrust (E - NAME) God with the fear. We give the fear over to God and let Him hold it now. The Bible says Jesus is interceding - that means He steps in for us before God, so we can entrust our fear into the hands of God.
Note: some children may need to visualize this handing over of their fear into God’s hand, by imagining their fear as a crumpled piece of paper or a dark cloud or the object of the fear itself (example: a spider or an airplane, etc.) and then thinking of this object disappearing from their hands.
- Draw a fourth circle around the fear and write “entrust”
Review and React
Review the actions and saying what they represent. Ask students to respond by sharing how they feel now after giving their fear into the hands of God.
Facilitator: The fear itself in the center circle is quite small compared to the final circles. Like dropping a rock into water, the fear ripples are larger. The fear started your thinking, but God surrounds it all.
Activity 3: use a blank scratch-off art (or a piece of paper first colored by many vibrant colors and then overlaid with black crayon).
Facilitator: This black represents the fear inside of us, and as we learned in the steps, Jesus shines through the fear and His love for us stands out!
Draw how you see Jesus in your fear on the scratch-off.
Summary
Facilitator: Everyone has fears and God has created people with fear. Fear can be good because it protects us, but we don’t want it to consume us or refrain us from experiencing the hope God desires for us. By using the NAME acronym, we can remember how to bring our fear feelings from inside of us to our mouth to name it, to our forehead to think about it, to our temples to imagine Jesus with us in the fear, and out into surrendered hands as we hand the fear over to God.