Dark Humor: Terrorist and Suicide Bomber Jokes
Q: What do you call it when you lobotomize terrorists?
A: Simplifying Radicals.
–Museum of Jokes
Sometimes when constantly in difficult situations we need to see the humorous side of the darkness and it releases the power of darkness over us.
Q: Why don't terrorists shop at Walmart? A: They prefer a Target.
Q: Where do suicide bombers go after they die? A: Everywhere!
Q: How do frogs die? A: They Kermit suicide!
I told a suicide bomber she looked fat. Boy, that really blew up in my face.
American's aren't sure about joking in the face of tragedy, to which I say: LIGHTEN UP PEOPLE! This is SERIOUS STUFF.
The headlines alone were balm to a wounded nation: "Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell; 'We Expected Eternal Paradise For This,' Say Suicide Bombers." And "U.S. Vows to Defeat Whoever It Is We're At War With."
But just as interesting as what The Onion put in is what they deliberately left out; the headline that actually appears in the issue as "Massive Attack On Pentagon Page 14 News" was originally supposed to read, "America Stronger Than Ever, Say Quadragon Officials," the joke being that the Pentagon was reduced to four sides.
(FYI - Mulla Nasruddin jokes and mother-in-law jokes are truly acceptable to most Muslims).
None of these jokes are meant to demean the seriousness of those who did lose their lives on 9/11 and those grieving their loss, but sometimes we do need to laugh in the seriousness of all of this stuff on risk, terrorism, and suicide bombing, because we know one thing that will really bother the terrorists......Laughter.
A suicide bomber managed to kill everyone on the bus that I was on, including myself! I was blown away.
Q: What was the last thing that went through a suicide bombers head? A: His foot.
Q: How did the terrorist get into Czechoslovakia? A: They didn't czech his papers.
Q: What does a terrorist in Antarctica say? A: Allahu Akburrrrrr
Q: Where do terrorists like to go for a drink? A: The Allahu Ak Bar
Q: What do you call a chat site for terrorists? A: Allahu Chatbar.
One suicide bomber to another: "Dude, I hope we have a blast tonight."
One suicide bomber to another: "Pay attention! I'm only gonna show you this once."
How do suicide bombers practice???
One suicide bomber to another: "Oops."
One suicide bomber to another: "Could you hold this please?"
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings, has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (B.O.O.M) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Aloud Bhang told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Aisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
A racist man called me a terrorist for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.
Later I saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives.
Q: What do terrorists and the England football team have in common? A: They will never win
Q: What do you call it when two terrorists are horsing around on the radio? A: Talibanter
Q: What do terrorists say to their sister? A: H'Isis
Q: Why are terrorists eco-friendly? A: They're biodegradable.
Q: What’s a terrorist’s favorite drink? A: A Molotov cocktail.
Q: Did you hear about the terrorists who have hijacked a plane filled with politicians? A: They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren’t met.
Q: What does a Terrorist Photographer do? A: Photobomb
Q: Whats the best part of an ISIS joke? A: The Execution.
Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other? A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"
Q: How can you tell if being a suicide bomber really guarantees you blessings in the afterlife? A: You have to C4 yourself
Q: What do Suicide Bombers and people with Tourette’s Syndrome have in common? A: They both tic.
Q: How many people did the Islamic suicide bomber intend to kill? A: Allah them.
Q: What do you call a communist suicide bomber? A: A Commiekaze
Blondes
A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists.
The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.
Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!"
The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.
When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing.
They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, "Fire!
SOURCES:
www.upjoke.com
www.museumofjokes.com
